“If you don’t step across the threshold of what you already know into the world of challenges, you never truly measure yourself” – Mariel Hemingway
Finding myself isolated from the world as the pandemic took over our lives, I had no choice but to go inwards. I was reminded of a particular day filming with the survivor of modern slavery, on a trip to the U.S., where she had stated, “I believe it all starts with family…”
This comment stirred something deep within me.
Whilst I had been trying to tell stories that make a difference through film and animation, I was now being invited to look at my own personal story. And, it was not pretty.
Faced with the version of myself that had been molded through family and cultural conditioning and belief systems, I started to question why life was not working for me. In deep meditation, I was shown the “good girl” that had felt the only way to survive was by sacrificing her wants and needs in order to serve the wants and needs of others. How she didn’t even know what her own needs were and, the constant pushback from family members meant that she no longer had energy left to give.
One day, as I glanced in the mirror, I was shocked to see a lifeless ageing face staring back at me. I felt like my spirit was dying. It was in that moment, I made a choice to live, to choose myself fully, and to create life on my terms.
It was not easy.
There were many trials.
I lost friends, I lost one of my dogs, I lost many family members… but what I really had to lose was my sense of identity. Delving into the darkness, I had to learn to stop abandoning myself and sacrificing my needs in order to keep the peace. And, in order to do that, I had to master myself.
Yes, I looped back around several times, peeking back around the door, afraid to lose the stability of my family, yet each time the “good girl” re-emerged, life became more and more painful.
Finally, I listened to the whisper of my soul. For my own health and sanity, I had to break free. I could no longer return to the way things were.
The person I had been up until this point, the “protective personality” or false self, had to die so that a new, more authentic version could be birthed.
As I became aware of the many limiting beliefs I had adopted from family and cultural conditioning, I learned how to overwrite them so that I could claim my personal power and autonomy. Gradually, my true essence was being revealed and I started to come alive!
As any new mother will tell you, the birthing process can be long, arduous, painful and you will want to give up, but they will also tell you that the pain is instantly forgotten when the reward of new life is presented to them at the end.
In order to claim a life that is true to us on a soul level, we must step through the doorway of no return.
Until we break the mold, we will keep reliving the stories of the past.
I love to hear from you – Where in your life are you staying in painful situations, resisting change for a false sense of stability? What are you willing to do about it?
With great love,
Victoria
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